What If
by Jelly Bean Jenna
Summary: What if it wasn't Nick that got partnered up Andy for the task force. What if Sam secretly applied for the position... This was originally written by the awesome Criminalintelligance, who has asked me to finish it as she is unable to complete it but would like to see it done.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi again, thanks for joining me here again!**

**This was originally written by the awesome Criminalintelligance, who has asked me to finish it as she is unable to complete it but would like to see it done. **

**Chapter 1 is the original condensed 4 chapters as written by her, I will only be picking it up from chapter 2. **

**Summery; What if it wasn't Nick that got partnered up Andy for the task force. What if Sam secretly applied for the position because she was, and what if Luke accepted him because of his background with Guns and Gangs... and with Andy? **

**Chapter 1: How Dare You!**

**Sam's POV**

He was pissed. He had told her that he would meet her at the Penny. Then Callaghan had so brilliantly decided to call the task force out on short notice. As in about five minutes short notice. He sat on the front porch waiting for the bastard to pick him up. He saw the headlights of the car as it pulled around the corner and up to the curb. Walking towards it, he saw Luke step out.

"You ready?" He asked. And Sam nodded trying to contain the anger and guilt from his face and when he spoke his voice was thick "Yeah, lets go"

Luke nodded and opened the back door of the car. His heart skipped a beat when he saw her already in the back seat.

"It's you" she whispered her eyes already threatening to spill tears.

"It's you," he whispered in return before climbing in the spot next to her. She sent daggers towards her ex-fiancé, who just shrugged it off.

"You deserve to be happy Andy, and even I'll admit that he makes you happy, don't throw it away because he did something stupid." He looked at Sam who had his jaw to the floor.

"Figure it out, because you're going to be seeing a lot of each other now"

Andy's POV

How dare he? He had absolutely NO right, and she was keen on making that clear.

"What the hell Luke! No I can't be partners with him!" Because it hurts to much She thought the last part in her head.

Sam's face looked crestfallen and he was about to speak when Luke spoke up.

"Andy, give him a chance, I know I have no right to say this but he screwed up and he wants to fix it. Give him the chance you didn't give me.

Oh now it went too far "Don't even-" she seethed. She saw Sam shift uncomfortably out of the corner of her eye.

"Callaghan thanks for trying but if she doesn't want too she doesn't have too" He said his eyes starting to glass over as he shifted his glance out the window. She was shocked, was he really just letting her go? She didn't want that, she wanted him to put up the fight that he promised

'Damnit Luke why can't you shut up for once?!' She sighed out loud. Turning to look outside she watched as the city passed her by. Luke spoke up in the front minutes later, how many? She didn't know.

Luke's POV

"We are here" He turned in his seat, "These are your new ID's for when you go undercover. You can choose what your relationship is" He looked at them warily knowing his next words would hit them hard

"You two probably would be best as a couple though" They glanced at each other in discomfort,

"You will each have your own apartments, they are fully furnished and tomorrow you will start by heading to this location at nine" He said before looking pointedly at Andy.

"Together" He said forcefully to her as they got out and headed to the other car.

Sam's POV

"So" he hesitated, his hands stuffed into his pockets "Andy, I need to know. Would you have come to the Penny if this" he motioned around them "Didn't happen?"

She sighed before starting.

"Sam, honestly? I was thinking about it but... I can't trust that you won't just leave again, because you did exactly what you said you wouldn't do to me. I need to be able to trust you, and I don't mean the job 'cause I know that you have my back, but with everything else. I need to trust that you can keep your word, and until you can prove that. We are nothing more than co-workers"

Sam's POV

He didn't get any sleep that night. His mind was on overdrive, repeating the words that she had said earlier that evening. He had lost her trust, and he had to get it back. He would get it back. He wasn't somebody to open up to people. And he knew that she wasn't either, he only had one problem. How was he supposed to do it?

He tossed and turned in the king-sized bed that was in the one bedroom loft. Callaghan probably forgot what it was like sleeping alone in a king-sized bed, mind you, the girls that probably sleep in his bed were most likely usually gone before he wakes up in the morning, but it wasn't something that he enjoyed. He felt cold, and empty. And for the first time that he could remember he actually minded that he was alone.

He groped at the sheets restlessly, fighting against his own will to try to sleep. Eventually he gave up and stood, looking at the clock. 2:47 He knew that Oliver was going to hate him for this but he needed to tell someone, and Oliver was his emergency contact. He was the only person Sam was allowed to call. He smiled at the thought of his best friend's reaction when he called. But he wanted, no he needed, his advice. He dialed his friends cell phone number, knowing that if he called the house it could potentially harm Oliver's family, as well as it was three in the morning.

"Hello?" He heard the groggy voice on the other end answer.

"Hey brother, sorry for the impromptu timing." He apologized.

"Sam, what the hell, its three-o'clock in the god damn morning. Where are you?" He asked, and Sam sighed.

"The task force got called in, you're my contact." He heard Shaw laugh on the other end.

"Why isn't McNally?" He asked knowing that she would be the one Sam used as his emergency contact. Unless…

"Wait is she with you?" He asked and Sam shrugged his shoulders,

"Not at the moment no, but she is undercover with me." He said, "Which is why I called, she says that she can't trust that I won't leave again, because I did exactly what I said I wouldn't, which I wont deny, I did leave her in a time where we both needed each other but I couldn't stand to look at her thinking that it was so close to being her. It was almost her. But I told her I was sorry, that It was a mistake. Which it was, and I am, completely and truly sorry"

Shaw sighed; he had never seen his best friend like this. He knew that Andy meant a lot to him, they all knew. When Sam was dating Andy, he had never been happier. He actually came into work with a smile on his face, and that was a rarity before her. Not to mention non-existent after they broke up.

"I don't know brother, It's just you and her for the whole undercover op, you have all that time to make it up to her. Prove to her that you are trust-worthy." His best friend finished and he knew that he was right. He needed to prove to her that he was trustworthy. That he was completely and madly in love with her.

Andy's POV

She didn't sleep, she wouldn't be able to even if she tried. Her brain swarmed by millions of thoughts. Thoughts of him. She was actually starting to get over him when he said those three words that morning,

'No I wasn't' she thought.

'I am far from ever being over him' she couldn't believe the nerve of her ex fiance. Who gave him permission to meddle with her love life. Especially after what he did to her.

'Give him the chance that you didn't give me.' She heard Luke's voice echo in her head.

"I've given him plenty of chances" she said out loud before realizing that she had to spend months with him undercover. As a couple, because there was no way they could be passed off as siblings. They would have to kiss, and hug, and he would need to hold her close.

'Is that why he took the job?' she thought 'to try and get me back?'

Andy shook her head he wouldn't be so desperate… would he? She reminded herself too call Traci in the morning to tell her whats happening, before settling under the covers and falling into another restless slumber, identical to every night since he had left.

The morning light crept in through the white curtains that were in the small undercover apartment that she resided. Standing she grabbed her burner phone off the nightstand before dialing her friends number. After two rings Traci picked up

"Hello?" She asked her voice curious.

"Hey Trace, its Andy" She said and her best friend.

"Andy where the hell are you?" Traci asked and she told her.

"Sam is going to flip shit when you don't show, especially after yesterday" His name made her heartbeat speed up much to her dismay.

"Andy?"

"Uh he knows" She almost whispered and she could picture the confusion on her best friends face.

"But you can only have one emergency contact, did you call both of us, Andy that's not safe" She chuckled humourlessly and Traci clued in,

"He's there, he's undercover, isn't he? We thought he was hungover or something and that's why he didn't show" She said a small laugh coming from her voice, it was nice to hear her laugh again.

"Well he's not with me but yeah, he's undercover. And we have to go in as a couple. Traci what am I supposed to do?" She asked as she ran a hand through her hair.

"Forgive him" Traci said "Yeah, you have a reason to hate him, but you have even more reasons to love him, and I know you too well for you too say you're not." She paused taking a breath.

"Go try becoming friends again and see where it goes from there because I know its killing both of you, Jerry wouldn't want you guys to be like this, so stop avoiding the inevitable."

Andy appreciated her friends advice, and she smiled as a plan started to form in her mind. She wasn't going to forgive him quite yet, she still meant what she had said the day before. He had to show that she could trust him again, but now she had a plan. A knock on the door told Andy that her ex (oh how she hated directing that word to him) had arrived.

"Thanks Traci but I have to go Sam is here, look after my parents for me and I'll miss you." Andy said.

"Okay I will, I'll miss you too and stay safe" Traci said before Andy ended the call. She walked to the entrance hall and opened the door, coming face-to-face with Sam.

"Hey" she said evidently forgetting that she had just woken up and that was still in her pajamas, which just so happened to be on of his black t-shirts and a pair of black lace panties.

"Morning" He said and she couldn't help but notice the lopsided grin he had on his face and where his eyes were looking.

"What are you staring at?" She asked, her anger rising once more.

"Uh that's my shirt." He told her and she began blushing.

"Oh shit." She murmured, This was going to be a long couple of months.

They walked to the warehouse ten minutes before the meeting was supposed to start. He had his arm slung over her shoulder and he could feel her heart beating a mile a minute. He looked down at the ring that he had placed ever so reluctantly onto her finger earlier that morning. It wasn't him that was reluctant, but her. He didn't blame her though even if it were for undercover, he still understood why she was hesitant. Luke wanted them to up their relationship status, but had convinced Sam that I would be awkward to give an engagement ring to his ex-fiancée. Sam had almost punched Callaghan when Andy stopped him.

"Just give it to me Sam," She said shortly and they both looked at her in surprise. Sam pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

"How long have you been there?" He asked "Long enough." Shit. He saw Callaghan out of the corner of his eye biting back a smile. That asshole. He looked at her apologetically as he slid the emerald in crested gold band onto her hand.

'Mrs. Andy Swarek' he thought. It's what he wanted to be able to call her someday. Andy Swarek. It's what he would have called her. Eventually. But they weren't Andy and Sam anymore. At least not the Andy and Sam that he wanted. They were not even the Andy and Sam that he liked.

They were Andrea Franklin and Sam Connors. A couple who met when she 'tackled' him while avoiding cops when they lived in Vancouver and moved to Toronto a year later.

"Wait. We have to live together?" She asked, "No, no, no, I can't, not with Sam."

"You don't have a choice Andy." Luke murmured as Sam just stood rooted to the spot. His heart feeling like it just was torn out and stomped on… multiple times. She didn't mean it that way, and she felt bad when she saw the look on his face but she couldn't get hurt again… at least not by him. He swallowed the large bulky lump that had begun to grow in his throat before speaking.

"Why two apartments then?" He asked quietly and Callaghan laughed slightly. "She's not the easiest person to live with, you'll be thanking me later Sammy." He replied and although Andy knew that it was true at times, she couldn't help but think that her ex-fiancé deserved the bloody nose he was tending too when they left.

"I guess I'll bring my clothes to your apartment when we get back." Sam told her and she nodded. "Sounds good" He gave he a smile, only to be ignored.

The rest of the ride was quiet until Sam pulled up to the front of the warehouse, placing a hand on her knee.

"You sure you're okay with this?" He asked motioning to the ring on her left hand.

"I don't really have a choice Sam, now do I?" She said harshly, regretting it as soon as she said it, he ignored it though, and got out of the car, opening her door and grabbing her hand to help her out.

Which is what led them to here. She gave him an award winning smile before she moved closer, hugging his side, and if he didn't know any better he would have thought she was truly happy there with him. Her hair was out of its usual ponytail, instead it was loosely draped over her shoulders in soft waves and he could smell the coconut shampoo. She looked over at him and frowned.

"Hey, what are you thinking about?" She asked softly and he had to remind himself that it was just an act. A charade that Luke had created to catch this person, although Sam had a suspicion that it was more than just that. He truly wanted Andy to be happy, even after what he did to her.

"You" He said, his voice low and her doe eyes that he loved so much appeared.

"Sam…" She breathed his name for the second time in forty-eight hours. Sam leaned in slowly, and before he fully knew what he was doing, he pressed his lips against her.

Andy knew the second his lips touched hers that she was loosing the battle for her sanity. She tried to push away but one of his hands had now woven its way around her back and the other gently caressed her cheek.

"I love you," He murmured against her lips but before she could respond, they were interrupted by a male voice.

"Awe, that's too cute!" They both broke apart, surprised and Sam rubbed the back of his neck, while a blush crept up across her cheeks. Sam still held her close as he turned to the man who spoke.

"I love you too Sam" She said under her breath and hoped that he hadn't heard, but that hope was squashed when she felt his hand tighten its hold on the small of her back. He felt a knot build up in his stomach. He had meant what he said and she knew it. He had tried to convey all of his feelings into that kiss. His heartbreak, his pain at seeing her hurt, and his undying, growing love for her, and he wanted to believe that she meant it too.

He refocused on the man in front of them, and held out his free hand.

"I'm Sam and this is my fiancée Andy" Sam told him and he took it, "Paul, Paul Dakota."

He was about a half-a-foot shorter than Sam was but was just as built. His ginger buzz cut and his grey eyes made him look tough even with his height.

Paul and Sam talked for a few minutes about Paul's past before they retreated to his office.

"So how did you two meet?" Dakota asked and Sam continued to tell him how they 'met'. She looked up and grabbed his hand as he recalled the tale. She was in the alley running from a cop and ran into him, literally knocking him off his feet. He said that he knew from the start that he loved her. Never being able to get the girl because some low life street scumbag was dating her, before cheating on her that is. He was there for here afterwards and after being together for almost a year they moved out to Toronto.

"We wanted a fresh start, get married, have a family." Sam looked down at her grinning, "Our last big job y'know?" Paul nodded, knowing exactly where he was coming from. Andy felt her heart twist into a knot, he wanted a family? She couldn't tell if this was a part of his cover or if he actually wanted kids, but the way he looked at her when saying it made her think that just maybe it was real.

They talked for another hour about what their jobs were going to be. Andy was going to be a bartender and a waitress while Sam was being assigned to be a bouncer. Andy was silently thankful that Dakota wanted them to work the same shifts (his reason being that work should not take time away from them being together). She didn't think she would be ready on just her own, she felt safer with him around. She felt him squeeze her hand and she looked up.

"You're sure the quiet one eh," Dakota asked her and she shrugged

"I tend to screw things up when I talk," She said and Sam gave her a hard stare.

"No you don't sweetheart," He told her firmly, she could not help the blush that covered her face, and she saw Sam smile. He was obviously enjoying giving her this attention. Paul finished talking about their positions and they bid there goodbyes to him. She breathed a sigh of relief once they got in the car, she began to play with the ring on her and he went to reach for it when she snatched it back and stared out the window.

"It is a cover story Sam," She said bluntly and he stared at her in shock. 'Then why are you still wearing the ring' he thought to himself sadly.

The drive from the warehouse to the apartments took little under an hour; he turned on the radio attempting to break the unnerving silence. When they got back to their residence, Andy got out of the car and head to her apartment without a word

'He's making this so damn hard' she sighed

Andy woke to a pounding at the door. She looked at the clock that rested against the wall, 2:29. They had only been back for no more an hour and a half.

"Andy, c'mon open the door, you're scaring me, it's not funny anymore" Sam. He sounded panicked. Andy stood up, stretching, and walked to the door. Sam stood there. A bag of Chinese food in each hand. She yawned and rubbed her eyes.

"Sorry, I was having a nap." Sam nodded before pulling her to the couch and sat her down.

"Can we talk a minute?" He asked her and she nodded silently. "Ok, just let me get the food, do you want a beer?"

"Yeah, thanks" She murmured uncharacteristically and Sam pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Andy, I am trying really hard here," He growled when she sat back down. "Why won't you at least give me a chance?" His voice softened and she looked up, her bambi eyes misted over, hurt evident in her brown orbs.

"Because I don't want to have my heartbroken for the third time in two years." She snapped, hot salty tears burning in her eyes, wanting to spill. She stood up, running into the bedroom and slamming the door.

"Damnit, Sam just go away." He stood up and walked to her bedroom door. He slid down with his back to the door and put his elbows on his knees, holding his head in his hands. He just listened to her sobs coming from inside and breathed out a loud breath.

"No" He told her forcefully. "Not until you agree that if nothing else, we can still be friends, because Damnit Andy, I love you and I'd wish we could be what we were before Jer… before any of this shit happened, but I know that its not going to happen. I also know that I cannot live without you in my life. Not anymore. Maybe before you ran into me, but god forbid not anymore. I need you in my life, even if it's just as friends." He stopped talking and listened. There were no more sobs so he thought it was safe to go inside.

He knew Andy heard the door opened because she shifted in her bed.

"Okay, friends" She sniffed and he sat on the mattress, and moving next to her he began to trace patterns on her back. She turned and looked up at him.

"I'm sorry I've been such a bitch lately" She apologized and he shook his head.

"I deserved it, but it's done and over with, c'mon the Chinese is most likely getting cold" He helped her up off the bed and wiped her eyes dry with his thumb. They walked out of her room, both happier than either had been in a long time.

They sat on Andy's couch watching Iron Man 2. She rested her head against his chest and dangled her feet off of the side of the couch. She knew that luke was probably watching them over the surveillance cameras wondering what Sam had said to get back in her good books so soon, but they both knew that there was nothing romantic about how they were seated on the loveseat. She had realized that Traci was right, that she had to forgive him. She was willing to forgive him and he knew that it wouldn't happen overnight. So for the time being, they were both happy as friends.

She felt something grab her waist and she looked up at him and smiled. There was Sam. Sleeping, his hand had made its way from across the back of the couch to resting gently on her stomach. The sickly feeling she had in her stomach had grown stronger and she knew that she would need to know soon. But turning to look at him she could feel her eyelids getting droopy. She knew that it was probably a horrible idea but she was so tired. She hadn't had a good sleep in a month and a half and she knew exactly what was the cause of her restlessness was. And now that she had a solution, howbeit temporary, she was going to seize it. Resting her head back and inhaling his scent, she closed her eyes, allowing herself to drift into sleep.

He saw himself standing over a body, his posture completely still and even as a dream he couldn't help the strange feeling that he had been in this house before. Then he realized it was where Jerry died, that meant the body sprawled across the floor, the body must have been… He took a step forward and fiercely wiped the tears that had begun to form in his eyes.

The scene changed and he was at a funeral. Jerry's funeral. He held a red rose in his hand and placed it on the coffin. A hand settled on his shoulder and he looked back expecting to see Andy or maybe even Traci, but the last person he thought he'd see was the person who was supposed to be in the ground.

"I'm sorry Sammy, we should have listened to you not me." Jerry told him, he had his free hand wrapped around Traci, who was sobbing into his chest.

Sam looked around to see Dov and Chris giving each other a man hug, silent tears falling from there eyes. Frank was there too, but without Noelle and their daughter. Gail wasn't there either, but neither was Nick so he assumed it wasn't either of them. He saw Tommy sobbing into his hands and it clicked. She wasn't there beside him. It was her in the coffin. Her on the floor. She was life suddenly had no meaning left…

His tough, stubborn, feisty, beautiful girlfriend was gone forever.

Andy McNally was dead.

His eyes snapped open and he was breathing heavily. he searched the room frantically and she woke up, panicked. She looked over and saw him looking at her, his heart beating fast and he had tears in his eyes. It shocked her.

"You okay?" She whispered and she brushed her fingers along his face. "Sam, talk to me. Please?" He breathed out heavily.

"It wasn't him, Andy, it wasn't Jerry that died" He whispered and she looked at him, pure confusion masking her face. "Sam… He's gone." She didn't know what else to say.

"I mean in my dream, it wasn't him. Bambi you died. It was you that died." Ever since Andy had almost died the day before he had been a lot more open with his emotions than ever before. She knew it was his way to prove himself.

"I'd had this nightmare before y'know" He muttered. "It was the reason I bro…" He trailed off and she felt a weight lift off her chest but she also felt her heart plummet aswell. So felt awful for being furious at him now, sure she had known that part of the reason of their break-up was because he was scared, but she didn't know how much.

"So you don't blame me?" It was now his turn to look confused.

"Blame you for…?" He motioned her to finish what he began to say. "Jerry dying"

Sam's mouth fell open, to say he was surprised at her outburst was an understatement. He shook his head.

"God no, Andy what would make you think that?" He whispered, he almost sounded broken.

"You said that you can't be a cop and be with me." She breathed and he stood up.

"But I rather be a cop and be with you then be a cop and be without you, because at least if I'm with you I can protect you. Yesterday was the perfect example Bambi. You almost died, I wasn't there and you almost got killed. You are one of the best cops I know but I can't be the last one to find out if something happened to you. When we broke up I thought that if you weren't close to me you'd be safer, because hell Andy…" He paused sitting down and putting his head in his hands.

"Hell Andy, everyone I care about gets hurt. My sister, Jerry… I can't have the next name on that list be you," She could tell he was holding back tears now, his voice was beginning to crack as he spoke.

"Sam, oh Sam, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry. I've been a whore, a bitch, I should have understood, I do understand. I-"

Sam cut her off. "Don't you dare say that Andrea McNally. You are none of those. You are the most stubborn, funny, happy, and by far the most beautiful woman in the world. Don't you dare say you are a whore or a bitch." She nodded her thanks and kissed his cheek.

"Ready to go get your stuff?" She asked and he nodded smiling,

"C'mon Bambi, let's give the extra key back. We won't need it." He stated and she knew it was true. They may have not had any physical contact, they didn't even approach the subject of them 'being normal' together again. It was just falling into place. And he wouldn't stop until it was exactly as he wanted it to be.

*****Thanks for reading, hope you'll review on the chapter, even if you've read it before. **

**Have an awesome day!**

**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	2. Not Now

**As always thank you for your awesomeness! **

**Thanks to kelly2727 & the awesome regulars!**

**Thanks to Tima for casting her eyes over these chapters!**

**AN: just need to say a really big thank you to everyone who nominated & voted for me in the Rookie Blue Choice Award 2013, I seriously never expected to win the Best Author Category. So really, Thank you all & here's to sharing with all of you...xxx. **

**Chapter 2- Not Now. **

Over the next few days, they fell into a routine, their cover lives taking control as they played the perfect pair.

It was hard on Sam to keep up the pretence, and it was only pretence because behind closed doors Andy was still distant.

Paul kept his word and had them on the same shift, Friday coming around as he handed out their weekly paychecks.

Andy said a sweet _'thanks'_ and shoved hers into her pocket without really paying any attention to how much was in there.

As Paul handed Sam his, he held on to the envelope a little longer and smiled at Sam before seeking Andy out across the room.

"Trouble in paradise?" he asked.

It immediately set Sam on high alert that a complete stranger had noticed that Andy was a little off.

"Nope, you know women," Sam said in a tense tone.

"We'll there's a little extra for you, take her out on the town, or buy her shoes- women love shoes."

"Thanks, boss," Sam said, shoving his envelope into his jeans before going looking for Andy.

He found her waiting just outside, the setting sun making her hair shimmer in streaks of colour.

Sam took Andy by the hand and they made their way to their apartment, Sam not yet having figured out how he was supposed to tell Andy that they had to go out tonight.

By the time they arrived home, Andy really started looking tired.

"Something on your mind?" she asked when Sam let them in.

"Um, yup?"

She turned around to face him, her eyes tweaking at the mischievous look on his face.

"The boss told me to take you out, so I'm assuming he means the club." Sam scratched the back of his head.

"No, not happening." Andy pranced across the room and left him standing there.

"Andy..." Sam whined it out even though it was unintentional.

"It's just for show," Sam added. "Two drinks!"

Being friends was completely new. It was harder than she had assumed it would be.

All those bittersweet shared moments filled with whispered sweet nothings and soft kisses were just for show. Because she had said so.

She had decided that this was how it would be between them.

"Sam, working is one thing, but clubbing- with you? That's like a whole new ball game."

"Oh, so you don't think I can do it?" Sam huffed out as he crossed his arms over his chest and feigned deep hurt.

"Sam, it's more like, I don't think I can do it with you." Andy blushed and looked away. They had never been anywhere remotely close to a club together. It just wasn't Sam's scene.

"Oh really?" Sam was teasing her and she knew it, but she wasn't about to go down that road.

"Sam, these are party animals, they snort lines and dance on bar counters, how are we going to keep up with that?"

Okay, that made sense. She wasn't sure that they could pull it off.

"We've got this," Sam said moving closer to her, a look between them telling her that he was certain that they did have this.

"Sam, it's looking for trouble..."

"Trust me? You have before..."

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Sam regretted them. This wasn't before. This wasn't how things had been before.

"You're right, but this is now, not then. Things have changed." Andy looked down and stepped around him before walking into the bathroom.

"Yeah they have, but I haven't. I've just learned my lesson."

When Andy looked up, Sam was gone an empty doorway looking back at her.

She closed the door and grabbed a shower, her mind tracing over Sam's words repeatedly.

What were they supposed to even mean?

When she was done in the shower she went looking for Sam and found him sipping a beer while looking out the window.

Nightfall had come down around them, Sam's face cast in shadows from the streetlight outside the window.

Sam looked in her direction briefly before fixing his gaze back out the window, she was making this so hard.

It was already hard to be so close to her and being nothing more than friends. And he had even had to put up one hell of a fight to get her to give him that much.

And now, they were back to square one.

"I'll be um, ready in twenty if you still want..."

"We don't have to," Sam cut her off.

"You're right, but we kind of need too. I'm sorry it's just... This is hard, Sam."

Right, like it wasn't hard for him, too.

"I get it," he said dryly. Oh boy, did he get it.

"Okay, so I'll just..." Andy waived her hand around aimlessly between herself and the bedroom.

Sam nodded, but didn't say anything.

True to her word, she was ready twenty minutes later.

Sam's jaw dropped when he came out of the bathroom after grabbing a shower.

There stood Andy a little less than half dressed and totally drop dead gorgeous.

She caught him staring in the small mirror above the vanity and looked up before looking down again as she applied the finishing touches on her make-up.

"Too much?" she asked when she stood up straight, turned around and finally gave him the full frontal view of her tiny black cocktail dress.

"Um...too little?" Shit! That was supposed to stay in his head but instead it left his mouth before he could filter it.

"That's good right?"

Sam's head started nodding, then shaking, then it was just was just rolling around and around, a dazed and confused look on his face.

Andy had never dressed like that when they went out- the reason for that his own fault. He never took her anywhere nice, or anywhere other than the Penny, a few people's houses and to small diners that littered town.

Andy let out a light giggle at Sam's sudden disposition, he was totally lost.

"I'll leave you to it," Andy said before walking out of the room, Sam's head turning to the side as he watched her backside walk away.

It was going to be a long night.

When they made it to the local club where Paul and his _'friends' _hung out, Sam found them a table right in Paul's line of sight. That was the plan, stay under his nose and hopefully get invited to join their table, even though Sam knew that it probably wouldn't be tonight.

But there was no harm in trying.

Trying- the word made him flinch.

He'd been trying, and getting absolutely nowhere with Andy.

They took a step forward and three back, or they just circled around like they were dancing.

Sam got them drinks at the bar then took up a seat right next to Andy.

She didn't pull away when his leg brushed hers, she had her game face on and knew that they probably had to put on another show.

After a while Andy seemed to get a little jumpy, she looked like she was becoming nervous.

Sam followed her line of vision to find Simon, Paul's second in command eyeing her from their table in the VIP section.

"He won't," Sam said leaning in a little closer and brushing Andy's hair back slightly so that he could whisper in her ear.

"He creeps me out," Andy replied with such a huge smile that Sam wondered if she wasn't kidding.

"I know." Sam shifted closer, his head tucked away into her neck as he took advantage of their sitting arrangements and let himself breathe in her scent.

"I need to use the bathroom," Andy suddenly whispered, her hand squeezing Sam's leg where she had it resting for the entire club to see under the high-rise table.

Sam knew that it was her way of asking him to go with her, she didn't trust Simon to go alone right now.

Sam pulled away and held out his hand, Andy sliding her hand into his as she slid off her chair.

He led the way through the crowd and down the hallway towards the bathrooms, Andy's hand clinging to his as they moved through the crowd.

When they reached the door to the women's bathroom, Sam let go of her hand and pushed the door open for her to go inside, his slight nod telling her that he'd be right here waiting for her.

Andy took a deep breath as soon as the door closed and blocked Sam from view.

She needed to take a breather, and not use the bathroom.

Sam that close, and that invasive of her personal space had her bothered.

Hot and bothered.

It shouldn't be that way, but it was.

Andy used the bathroom anyway, not seeing any point in wasting the trip here. She washed her hands and patted them across her chest and down her arms in a bid to cool herself off.

The club was packed, and it was sweltering.

She found Sam right where she left him, just outside the door. Two young girls were giving him the eye as they walked towards them, Andy feeling the sudden urge to do something before she ended up growling out a _'back off'_ in their direction.

She leaned towards Sam and put her hand on the wall behind his head, her hooker heels giving her a little added height.

"Can we go home now?"

Sam arched a single eyebrow up at her, a full-fledged smirk written out over his lips.

He knew exactly what she was doing, but it still felt strange. She was marking her territory, just in case they had to come back here and the two women passing where here then too.

Sam leaned down, bringing his lips closer to Andy's ear so that his breath would flow out across her neck when he gave her an answer: "I thought you'd never ask."

Andy blushed and pulled away, all the way away. So far away that her back met the wall across from him as she stared at him and narrowed her eyes.

He was teasing her, using his smart-ass remarks to get to her but she wasn't about to let him win.

She lifted up her hand and held it out, before she led them back to their table where they sat down for a few minutes and took in the new faces that had joined Paul's table.

Paul kept looking in their direction, his eyes sweeping over Andy then Sam and back again.

It made Sam nervous.

He pulled Andy a little closer, and said, "Let's go," Andy feeling his discomfort.

"Okay," Andy said and suddenly wrapped her arms around Sam and tugged him closer.

She gave him a chaste kiss before nodding towards the door and letting him go.

Sam nodded Paul's way when Paul gave him a wicked smile and shrugged.

Sam followed Andy out of the club and wrapped an arm around her as they took a leisurely stroll towards their apartment.

They walked home, silence between them but a less awkward one than had been there earlier in the night.

"What?" Andy asked when she noticed Sam looking at her.

"I could get used to this," Sam said simply.

Andy tried to flinch away, but Sam wouldn't let her. "Don't run."

"Don't do this," Andy shot back instantly.

"I'm not. I'm just trying..." Sam stopped talking when Andy stopped walking.

"Trying to what, Sam?" Andy whispered as she moved out of Sam reach.

"Trying to get through to you, trying to make this right...trying to get you back." Sam's voice faded away as he admitted the truth standing on the sidewalk in the middle of the club district.

"You don't mean that, Sam" Andy was shaking her head, denial sweeping out over her face as she looked at him with shimmery eyes.

"Yes I do, I meant every word I've said since I've tried to get you to listen."

"Why now, Sam? Why do this when we can't..."

Andy cut herself off when she realized her mistake.

She had said _'we can't'_ she didn't say _'I don't want to'. _

"Why wait? Why not now? I'm done making mistakes Andy, I'm done pretending that we can be friends, and I'm done waiting..." Sam reached for Andy's face and lifted it up so that her lips were a breath away from his when he stopped.

He held her there and gave her the opportunity to move away, or slap him or push him away.

But she didn't, she just closed her eyes and sighed out a really long breath.

*******okay, so let me know what you think in another one of those awesome thoughts you leave by using the little box underneath here - .****͡**

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	3. Confused

**As always, you guys are amazing, thank you!**

**Thanks to Tima for taking a peek on these chapters!**

**Thanks to kelly2727, the regulars & criminalintelligance for letting me finish this!**

**Welcome to the newbies!**

**Chapter 3- Confused. **

Sam pulled himself together just before he let himself loose the last strand of restraint that held him together. His forehead rested against hers and she visibly relaxed under his gaze.

If he had kissed her now, it wouldn't have been the first time that he had kissed her in recent days, but those times it hadn't been them; it had been the Sam and Andy that were playing roles.

He wanted so badly to kiss her now, but she deserved better than that.

She deserved a kiss from him to her and not between two people that they weren't.

And until that time arrived, the Sam he was pretending to be would _not _be kissing the Andy that she was pretending to be.

Sam let her go and let his fingertips wrap around her hand as they walked the last few blocks to their apartment.

When the door was open, Andy was gone from sight in seconds, her need to flee making itself known.

Sam milled around the kitchen figuring that she needed some time alone.

When he thought that she was probably in bed, sleeping, he inched his way into the bedroom to find her sitting up in bed watching the door like she had been expecting his return.

What he wasn't expecting was her head to snap up and her face to fall when she saw him leaning against the doorframe.

"Why did you stop?" she asked without thinking about what she was saying.

"Because you didn't want me to kiss you," Sam said. "Get some sleep, Andy." Sam turned on his heel and left her stunned.

He really thought that? Thought that she didn't want him to kiss her? They were having a moment and he totally just slammed up his defenses.

But wait, friends. That's what they were.

Andy flopped down onto the pillows and looked up at the ceiling to find shadows from the passing cars cascading across the chipped paintwork.

Why was Sam making this so much harder by complicating things? They kissed every single day, but right when they're having a moment and she's ready to see if it's still there he shuts down?

What the hell was that all about?

Sam stood next to the window looking out into the street like he did on many occasions.

He was trying to be the good guy here, but when it came to her he had virtually no control over his self-restraint.

He was trying to separate them from their jobs and that was just so damned hard when they were both who they were.

"You confuse me." Andy's voice drifted through the dark on a pained note.

She was standing mere feet away from him, but when he faced her it felt like they were worlds apart.

"I'm sorry," Sam said trying to muster as much sincerity into those two words as he could.

"Then why do you keep doing this?"

Sam let out a frustrated sigh and pinched his eyes closed, his head tilting up to the ceiling.

"You really don't get it, do you?" Sam was stating a fact when he looked back at her.

"I want you back, and I want us to be _'us__'_ again no matter what it takes for me to get us there."

Andy didn't say much; he had said that to her before.

"I never meant to hurt you, Andy, I was scared and I'm sorry."

That broke Andy's heart.

"But you still did, Sam."

Sam didn't miss the rawness in her tone as she admitted that he had hurt her.

"Don't you think I'd take it back if I could? I never meant for things to go sideways, and I never meant to make it look like I wasn't putting up a fight, I was trust me; I was just..."

"Just? Just what? Just letting go? Just screwing it up?" This time when Andy spoke she sounded a little angrier than she had before.

"Just scared, Andy. Like my world was crashing down around me, and you were next. My mind was telling me that you were the next one in line to get hurt or worse."

Andy heard the tinge of fear that Sam was talking about as it wrapped itself around his words as they were whispered out in so much misery.

"You don't know that, Sam."

"I know that it would..." 

Damnit! He just couldn't finish the sentences that he was starting.

Andy noticed it, too.

Her bare feet padded closer and she stopped in front of him, and took a ragged breath.

"Close your eyes," she said.

"What?"

"Whatever it is you have to say, you need to say, so... just humor me?"

Sam set his beer bottle down on the windowsill and stood there with his eyes closed.

"Now say it, whatever it is you need to say, just get it out there."

Sam saw her reasoning; if he wasn't looking at her then he might get it all out.

His hand was stabbing the dark as it went in search of hers, her warm skin drawing him closer.

She let him take her hand, her fingers reciprocated his firm hold. "Say it." She was practically pleading with him now.

"If I do this, you do, too..." Sam let it hang. If she wanted this, then she had to give a little, too.

"Sam..."

Just as she whined his name out, his hand began to retract but she held on and mumbled, "okay, okay."

Taking a deep breath Sam started from the top. 

"I've always loved you, but when Jerry died, I got scared—scared that one day it would be you. I meant it when I said I can't be a cop and be with you because if I'm there and you get hurt, or I get to a scene and something happened to you, I'm getting a life sentence, Andy."

Andy's hand started to tremble. She was doubting her intelligence by jumping in there and just letting this play out.

Sam's eyes snapped open and he titled his head to the side, so Andy did what she was supposed to and closed her eyes, not really knowing what she would say. Or what she _should_ say.

There were so many things that she wanted to say.

_I love you.  
_

_I tried to hate you, but I can't. _

_I'm sorry. _

_I hate myself. _

_I want you back. _

They were all there, but they just wouldn't come out. They hovered inside her mouth and stayed locked away along with the doubts.

Sam saw the hesitation as she opened and closed her mouth, so he let it go and put his lips against her temple instead.

He felt Andy stiffen as his breath fanned out into her hair.

He thought she'd pull away but she didn't.

It was as though she was trying to get closer.

Not that it even made sense.

"This is all wrong," Andy said and stepped back abruptly.

Sam watched her hand as it slid out of his, her eyes moving to watch it to ensure that it had really left his hand.

"It's not wrong. Yeah, the timing's off, but it's not wrong."

Andy looked up at him, her eyes vacant.

It tore him apart that he was the one that so easily put that look in her eyes.

Sam did what he did best, and acted on impulse.

He was a man of few words; he let his actions speak for him.

Kissing her this time was different.

They weren't putting on a show. They weren't acting and faking it.

This was real, this was them. This was what he wanted her to feel.

Andy responded, every inch of Sam screaming in warning when she did.

He let her go as suddenly as he had reached for her, her eyes flying open to stare at him in horror.

"That was just us, that was real. You can keep denying it, but your body betrays you, McNally," Sam whispered it into her ear, her breath hitching in her throat.

As soon as Sam stood up straight she was gone, the bedroom door slamming closed behind her.

He had totally broken down her defenses but it wasn't enough, she wasn't ready to give in yet.

Andy paced around the tiny, cluttered bedroom while her mind burned.

That was so not how this was supposed to go.

Her heart ached because when she was so close to getting what she wanted, but she let it go again.

Instead of admitting how she felt, she closed herself off and just left him standing there because it was easier than acknowledging that she hadn't put up that much of a fight to keep them together either.

Six weeks of unanswered calls wasn't exactly putting up a fight.

Andy sat down on the end of the bed, the last few weeks playing out in her mind.

Sam leaving her standing in the rain, Sam coming for her when she was holding the grenade. Sam showing up on her UC.

He was there every step of the way.

Sam snuck into the bedroom when he was sure that Andy was sleeping.

Her face was creased with worry lines, her brows furrowed.

She wasn't sleeping as peacefully as she normally would.

He shed his jeans and crawled into bed, Andy sighing his name out and scooting closer when the mattress dipped under his weight.

When he had found a comfortable position, Andy shifted closer and rested her head on his chest as she snuggled closer.

Sam looked down at her and made the most irrational decision that he had ever made.

He was getting Callaghan to pull him out in the morning.

He couldn't do this anymore. 

Couldn't hurt her anymore.

And all he saw when he looked in Andy's eyes were the reminders of just how badly he'd screwed up.

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**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	4. Accusations & Confirmations

**As always thanks for all your awesomeness?**

**Special thanks to Criminalintelligence for letting me write this!**

**Thanks to Tima for making sure I made no huge oopsies!**

**Chapter 4- Accusations and Confirmations. **

When Andy woke the next morning, Sam was next to her. She bolted upright and untangled her limbs from his.

She mumbled an apology before slipping out of bed and stumbling around the room as she attempted to make a quick retreat.

Sam got out of bed and went in search of his phone. He needed to send Callaghan a text telling him that he needed an out.

He hit the green button before changing his mind and set the phone down.

Sam's phone was ringing and he didn't answer so Andy went in search of it to see an unknown number flash across the screen.

Before she could answer, the call died and a new text notification popped up on the screen.

Andy set the phone down, a text opening when she unknowingly hit a random key.

_I need out now._

That was all it said under the 'sent' items.

Whan. Andy woke up and saw Sam's dimpled smile, something she had missed waking up to.

In that moment she knew that this was what she wanted, that she wanted them fixed no matter what she had to do to get them there.

She had scrambled out of the room and gone to make them coffee while she tried to carefully select her words: how to finally admit it to Sam after he had so brazenly said it repeatedly.

Words that would make or break them.

And then she stumbled on him looking for an out.

As soon as Sam came out of the bathroom Andy raced into it and closed the door, Sam's phone ringing as he turned around to catch a glimpse of the closing door.

He answered the call, Callaghan's voice filling his ear.

"She getting under your skin?"

If Callaghan were there right now, he would be sporting a new pattern on his face.

Sam cleared his throat before avoiding Callaghan's question and asking one of his own.

"Do you have a solution or not?"

"Yup, but about that..."

"What is it?"

"Dakota's been burned. They shot him at the club last night about half an hour after you left. He didn't make it."

Shit!

"So we're done?"

"Yeah, pack up, I'll be there in a few hours to pick you up". 

"It's fine, we'll take a cab," Sam said dryly. He really wasn't looking forward to going home and dragging the rift between Andy and himself home with them.

"You sure?"

"I think we can manage," Sam said and hung up.

Nearly an hour later, Andy came out of the bathroom. She had probably dried up this side of towns hot water supply, but she really didn't care. 

She needed to feel clean, wash away the tainted dirt that seemed to make her very soul feel filthy.

She had absolutely no idea what she was doing anymore, what she was supposed to do and right now; everything felt wrong.

She had spent an hour going over her decisions in the shower and only a few logical thoughts remained- namely yes she wanted to fix things with Sam, but the timing was all screwed up again. Then there was the afterthought that he'd never stop running.

"You okay?" Sam asked when he spied her looking really glum.

"Totally fine."

Andy was so wrapped up in another world that she hadn't even noticed that most of their stuff was packed. However when she did, she gave Sam a questioning look.

"Dakota got shot, we're out of here." Sam tried to sound pleased, but he really wasn't feeling it.

"Bet you're thrilled," Andy snapped without warning, Sam's confused expression making her regret saying it almost immediately. "I saw the text, Sam," she added coldly before turning around to add a few of her scattered items into the bags that Sam had left on the bed.

"It's not what you think," Sam said, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose as he shut the world out behind closed eyelids.

"It doesn't matter, we'll be home in a few hours and this will be over."

"No it won't, it's never going to be over," Sam said when his eyes opened. His words made Andy shift around uncomfortably.

"It won't ever be over, it won't ever go away, when are you going to get that? I thought that the whole being friends first would work, that it would make you let your damned defenses down, but you know what? This whole friends thing is not working is it?"

Andy had an item of clothing in her hand, her fingers slowly wringing the material like she was trying to strangle it.

"No, it's not, and it won't change."

"Because you won't let it," Sam countered.

He somehow knew that the meltdown between them was about to happen: they had both reached their breaking point and either way, no matter what the outcome was- this was about to happen.

"I just don't get it, I don't get you. You're all in it to be friends one minute and you shut me down the next. I don't know how to handle the situation any more Andy, I need something to go on here."

"Seriously? Sam, I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. You say things that you shouldn't, you make more promises when you broke every other promise that you've made me. How am I supposed to do this when I..." Andy

Sam narrowed his eyes at Andy when she stopped talking. "When you what, Andy?"

Andy pursed her lips together tightly, refusing to finish her sentence.

Sam could wait it out, wait until she was ready to say what she had almost let slip.

"When I, when..."

Sam raised an eyebrow and waited some more. For her, he'd wait forever.

"When I'm this close to saying screw it, when I'm this close to having my heart broken all over again."

Andy said it so mutely that Sam had to lean forwards to capture the words before they dissolved into thin air.

"Do you really think I'll do that? That I'd do it again?"

"You've already done it, Sam."

"But I know what I lost, I felt like nothing mattered anymore. I saw what it did to you and I don't want to do it again, ever."

"And what about what I did? What about how you came into the Royal while I was holding that grenade because it was me in there? How about when I thought we were both going to die?" Andy's voice rose under pressure, but she wasn't yelling, she was just letting the emotion she felt wrap around her words.

"An..."

"Don't, okay, it's over, done."

Andy shoved the material in her hands into the bag with force; like Sam had never seen.

"And what happens when we go home?"

"We forget," Andy answered without turning around, the two words coming out flat and lifeless.

Sam had heard enough, if she wasn't open to talking about it, then he'd show her how wrong she was.

Putting his hands on her shoulders Sam whirled her around to face him and tugged her into his personal space. He caught her off guard, her body easily falling closer as she stumbled.

Kissing her again wasn't his ideal way of solving their problems, but if she felt a hint of what he felt, she'd understand. If she stopped denying it long enough, he might actually have a chance to get through to her.

Leaving her breathless, Sam pulled away and looked down at her to see her blush. Something he hadn't seen in a while.

"You want to forget that?"

Andy put her head down and leaned it against his chest while his arms kept her close by staying encircled around her.

Lifting her face up Sam knew that she'd look at him, and he was right, she did.

"I'm sorry I broke your heart, and I'm sorry I ended up here when you wanted space, but I'm not sorry I just did that."

"You knew?"

Sam nodded. Of course he knew that she was taking the spot. Callaghan had asked him if he thought that she'd be able to pull it off.

His answer was yes, but he wanted in or Callaghan faced him following her to get her back.

"I asked for this. You came for me once, remember? This was me putting up the fight I should have a long time ago, and if I wasn't here officially, I'd still be here."

"You would follow me under? Are you insane?"

"To get you back, I'd follow you to heaven Andy, because I've already been to hell without you."

Wow, that sounded so lame.

"But, you asked for an out..."

"Yeah, I did. Because you _don't _want me here, tried to make me believe that you don't want this, but I don't believe you anymore."

Andy was trying to maintain her strong facade, but she felt it slipping.

"I'm sorry I left you standing in the rain, and I'm sorry I missed your calls for weeks, but I tried to put some distance between us so that you could move on, so that you could let me go because I thought it was the right thing to do."

Sam sounded so sure of those words, so sure that it was what she needed to know.

"Why? Isn't that my choice?"

"Andy, everyone close to me gets hurt, because I'm not there, what if it's you next time, what if..."

Andy put her fingertips on his lips, his words fading into a distant memory.

"What if? You broke up with me because of a whole bunch of what if's?"

Sam nodded. As stupid as it sounded, it was really the reason.

"You are such an idiot."

Sam nodded again, he knew that by now.

"That's what being in love is about, making mistakes, but it's making them right, too," Sam said as he pulled his lips away from her fingers and left them hanging in the air.

Talking about it being in present tense seemed to phase Andy slightly.

"Yup, still there," he added on when he saw the question in her eyes. "So are you."

Andy was given to choice to deny or accept. Sam's words were giving her enough rope to hang herself with, or she could choose to rope him in and hold on for as long as she could.

So she didn't answer.

Sam knew what she was doing; she was keeping herself from lying because she knew that he'd see straight through it.

"You want this, you want it back." Sam took the risk and added some more, he might as well just go for it.

"But you're scared, you're still hurting, and you don't trust me enough."

Andy's eyes widened. Everything Sam said was spot on, one hundred percent right. He knew her so well, well enough that it was almost like he was in her head.

"You feel it, but you're scared to admit it, scared to let me see it because you've never had to do this, never felt something so intense that you're scared to lose it?"

Again Andy just stared at him without answering.

"You want the happy ever after, and just when you thought it was going to happen, I took it away didn't I?"

Sam's last question made Andy's mouth drop open in shock. It was like he was looking into every dream she'd had, or every fantasy she had let herself succumb too.

"The only thing stopping you right now, from still getting it, is you, Andy."

Andy knew that it was Sam's way of telling her how he felt, his way of telling her what he had wanted, and still wanted. He was substituting himself with her, because he couldn't say I yet.

"Am I wrong?" Sam asked after they had been quiet for a while. It was time for her to say something now, anything.

"I'm just scared, Sam. I can't do it again."

"I can't promise that it will be smooth sailing, because I won't make you promises that you won't believe. I just want you to take a chance on me, close your eyes and jump, Andy, I swear it'll be worth it."

Andy could tell that Sam was waiting for an answer, waiting for her to do or say something.

Anything.

"One condition," she finally mumbled out.

"Just one?" Sam tried to hide his smile, tried to swallow it, but he couldn't.

"Just one."

Sam nodded, willing her to say what the condition was, but she kept quiet.

"We don't forget."

Sam knew without a doubt what Andy meant.

She didn't want them to forget how they were, or what they had become. She didn't want Jerry forgotten, or what it took to get them back to where they were headed.

"We won't," Sam reassured her as he tugged her closer and tucked her up in a hug that he never wanted to end.

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**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


	5. What IF?

**As always, thank you for your awesomeness! Thanks to kelly2727 & the regulars!**

**Thanks to Tima & Criminalintelligence!**

**Chapter 5- What IF...**

After breaking away from each other, they gathered the rest of their belongings and finished packing before they caught a cab and headed home.

The barn was sparsely populated when they entered it, Sam finding Callaghan in his office while Andy went to get them coffee.

"So, she didn't shoot you," Callaghan said with a chuckle when he saw Sam standing in his office.

"Not yet," Sam replied as he watched Callaghan rummage through his desk drawers and then dump a handful of random items into the cardboard box on top of his table.

"You're leaving?" Sam asked with furrowed brows.

"Nothing keeping me here." Callaghan shrugged like his answer was nostalgic.

"You mean she's not keeping you here," Sam said noticing the look that Callaghan gave him when he answered.

"Something like that," Callaghan said dropping more stuff into the box. This time he avoided making eye contact when he answered, he didn't want Sam to see what he felt.

"I just don't get how you could walk away from her in the first place," Callaghan said slightly swallowing the words as he spoke.

"For her, everything I've always done has been for her," Sam answered.

Sam's response was enough to make Callaghan look up at him, a sort of stunned expression on his face at Sam's honesty.

"She did the same thing, Swarek, only thing is you didn't see it until after you walked away."

Sam grunted lightly and looked at his shoes, Callaghan was right, but his honesty was still a burden to bear knowing that Callaghan still had feelings for Andy.

When Sam looked up Callaghan was standing in front of him, holding his box, waiting for space to be made so he could move through the doorway.

"Just keep her this time, she deserves this."

Sam watched Callaghan walk away, a new found respect for the man who had finally grown up enough to let Andy go.

"Is he leaving?" Andy's voice sounded in Sam's ear.

"Yup."

"But we have debriefing." Andy sounded frustrated, she obviously wanted to go home.

"Someone from Guns and Gangs will be here in the morning."

Andy held out Sam's coffee, their fingers brushing lightly as Sam took his.

"He's not coming back, is he?" Andy sounded almost sad as she said that staring at the back of Callaghan as he rounded the corner and became a distant memory.

"He will."

Andy looked back at Sam and raised her eyebrows.

"Fifteen's his home, he'll always come back."

"Like you?" Andy asked watching Sam intently.

"Yup. You, too, McNally."

Sam ushered Andy towards the front door knowing that there really wasn't a point to them hanging around anymore.

Sam hailed a cab and gave Andy's address to the cabbie. She didn't say anything. She just sat on the far side of her seat quietly.

The drive over to her condo was made in silence, but it wasn't tense or awkward.

When the cabbie pulled up outside Andy's building, she reached into her pocket for some cash, but Sam beat her to it before grabbing their bags and getting out. It left Andy looking at him through the back window looking really smug.

She eventually clambered out and Sam handed over her bag before he kissed the top of her head and made to leave.

Andy didn't say anything, she accepted the fact that he probably wanted to walk home and clear his head.

She watched him stride down the sidewalk, her small wave met with a dimpled grin before he stopped looking back at her and made a clean break.

Andy went into her building and unlocked her door. She dropped her bag on the floor as she stepped through it.

Suddenly silence surrounded her as an eerie emptiness flowed.

She had spent almost two weeks with Sam, and now he was giving her a little space so that she could get herself pulled together.

And it just wasn't working for her.

This time he wasn't walking away, or letting go, he was letting her set the pace and merely letting her decide where they go from here.

Andy was out the door in seconds.

The street was empty, so Andy took a short jog around the corner and scanned the few bodies that walked the sidewalks.

None of them were Sam.

She hit the pavement and sped down the two blocks she needed to before taking a right, and saw the back of his head bobbing as he continued to walk home oblivious of the fact that she was following.

When she was close enough, Andy called his name just softly enough for half the street to hear; but it was enough. Sam stopped and turned to face her, not looking entirely surprised that she had followed.

"Wait...wait, jus..." Andy was breathless, Sam chuckling at her exasperated face as she tried to take calming breaths and regain her composure.

"What if..." she started, but the rest just wouldn't come out.

Sam raised an eyebrow, but let her catch her breath before she continued.

"What if I don't want space and time? What if I don't want to wait, and don't want to do this slowly? What if I just want to do this?"

She was rambling a little, but Sam knew that it was bound to come out that way.

"What if I want messy and complicated and everything else that goes with us?"

Sam was rendered speechless.

Andy had been the one that slammed the walls up and looked like she needed a little space, and now she was the one just jumping in there.

"You had your _'what if's_, those are mine" she whispered before looking like she was really ready to snap.

"I'm not walking away; I'm just letting you move this along, Andy."

"I know, but... It's not us, Sam, it's not how we work. You didn't give up, you kept fighting and now I want to do the same."

Sam found the moment amusing, Andy rambling on even though she really didn't need to.

"Andy..."

"No, it's okay, you deserve that much. I want to do everything I didn't do before, but we need to start this, start somewhere if I'm going to do that."

"Andy..."

"Just tell me what to do, Sam. Where we go from here?"

"Andy, stop talking," Sam said, effectively cutting Andy into silence as her eyes widened a fraction.

It felt really weird to have her chase him this time, have her give long speeches and ask for a shot. But she was doing things that she didn't need to do.

"You've always had me, and you don't need to do anything except be you."

Andy blushed, but this time held his gaze instead of looking away. She was relishing in finally being allowed to captivate his attention and not feel guilty about it.

"We start wherever you want to start and we go from there," Sam added just so that she would know that he thought that they hadn't ever really stopped.

"What about here, right now?"

Andy looked shy asking that, her teeth biting her lip as she tried to suppress a giant grin from sweeping out over them.

"Nope." Sam really wasn't about to start this standing on a street corner. Andy's face fell slightly when he said that, but she had to know that he wasn't turning back, he was just intent on doing this right.

"We start at seven," Sam said simply.

"Seven?" Andy looked dazed. His time didn't make sense.

"Yup, 7 PM when I pick you up."

"Oh. Okay?"

"Where are we going?"

"That, McNally, is for you to find out." Sam wiggled his eyebrows as he teased her. Her mind was like an inquisitive sponge, and she hated not knowing anything.

"Seven?" Andy confirmed, and Sam nodded.

The conversation was over, but either of them had yet to move. They were both unwilling to let the moment go.

"Go home," Sam whispered before kissing the top of Andy's head and leaving again as he continued the short walk home.

Andy was done unpacking and had showered and dressed into about five different outfits by the time seven loomed.

She didn't know if this was technically a date, or not, but she still wanted to look good.

She had taken time in drying her hair, added a little extra makeup and was barely done when she heard the knock signaling seven pm.

When she opened the door she found Sam in shorts, for the first time ever. She had never seen him in shorts.

"Something funny, McNally?"

"Nope, not at all," Andy giggled out still standing in the doorway.

"You might want to..." Sam said nodding at her skinny jeans. That wasn't going to work for where they were going.

"Shorts?"

Sam nodded and smirked, Andy skipping off to return dressed in shorts and sandals.

"Ready?"

They left Andy's, her questions filling out as she kept searching for hints as to where they were going, but Sam wouldn't divulge anything.

When they finally pulled over, Andy looked between Sam and the view out the window.

"Really?"

Sam nodded and the shrugged.

They got out of the truck when Sam moved first, Andy following without having to be asked.

She watched Sam lift a bag out of back of the truck before he stepped away and she followed timidly.

This was insane.

When they reached the spot Sam decided to stop, Andy looked around and got lost in the view. It looked different in the dark.

She had been here many times when the sun was high, and there were crowds of people, never like this though.

When Andy turned to seek Sam out, she found him sitting on a blanket on the sand holding a beer out towards her.

Sitting down next to him, Andy tried not to just flip her lid when she took the beer and mumbled a soft, "Thanks."

Andy stretched out and looked ahead, the view was something to behold.

Lake Ontario spread out in expanse, the moonlight just enough to show the silver ripple of the waves as they broke out onto the sand that extended for miles to either side of them, but only a few feet out in front of them.

The soft whoosh of the breaking waves had a calming effect, all harbored thoughts of anything negative slipping away.

"Why here?" Andy asked so quietly, she didn't want to break the spell by being loud and overbearing.

"Why not?" Sam looked down when he said that, Andy getting the feeling that this place was special to him.

"When Sarah kept running away from home, I'd always find her here. Everytime."

Oh. That wasn't really what she was hoping to hear.

"I never understood why until I came here the night I broke up with you."

Oh boy. That was even worse.

"Sam..."

Sam held up a hand, he wanted Andy to hear more because he had more to say.

"That night sitting here, I thought about how much I actually wanted to bring you here, and I promised myself that one day I would and here we are."

Andy's brows dipped a little. Sam was really spoiling the moment.

"You're the only one I've ever brought up here. This used to be the place Sarah ran to, then it became the place we'd spend time together when she needed a break, but I want it to be our starting point. The place we come when things get too much, or things get tough."

Sam's words tugged at Andy's heart strings, he was openly sharing some of his past with her, and inviting her into it because he wanted her to know, wanted her to have a piece of it.

"Sam... I... Thank you," Andy said, she really couldn't go beyond that.

Sam shifted around and suddenly held out a slice of pizza that magically appeared from his bag of hidden treasures.

It made her think of a picnic—they had the blanket, the beer, and the cold pizza. It was perfect.

Sam kept staring at her while they ate, Andy suddenly looking at him and blabbing out a, "What?" before she could help it.

Sam pointed over her shoulder and whispered something that sounded like "Make a wish" in her ear, the sweet moment extending into something completely cheesy.

Andy looked up just in time to see the feint traces of a shooting star before it faded and only the silver stars and night sky were left to see.

"I don't need to," Andy replied.

"No?"

"Uh-uh"

"And why's that?"

"I don't have anything left to wish for."

After that they shared the silence, Andy eventually lying down with her head in Sam's lap.

Andy had her head turned away to the side as she watched the waves roll in and crash before the tide dragged them out and repeated the motion all over again.

"Something on your mind?" Sam broke the silence, his fingers gently knitted in her hair.

"Ever think about what if it wasn't you that took Dakota with me?"

Sam had given that considerable thought, but it had not been a pretty sight.

He had imagined her being partnered with Epstein and not coming home. With Diaz she came home a walking dictionary about protocol. Then there was Collins...

His mind had conjured up all sorts of mystical ways that that would go down, and each and every one of them did not look good from any angle.

"But it wasn't," Sam said.

"But what if..."

"What if? What if you left and got partnered with someone else?"

Andy nodded, her hair tickled his leg as she bobbed it around.

There wasn't a _what if_ about that at all.

There just couldn't be.

If there was, there would be no way that they would be sitting here like this.

"What if we don't think about that and head home?" Sam said when Andy sat up and spun to face him.

The only what if's he wanted right now where the what if's that were made up of _what if I asked her to stay and what if she asked me. The ones born from what if I asked you to move in and what if I said I love you? _

Andy smiled at him sheepishly like she was reading his mind.

"What if I said I love you?" Andy suddenly said the thought randomly, taking Sam more than a little by surprise. "Right now, just like that?"

Andy had scooted onto her haunches as she sat earnestly looking at him with nothing but complete honesty on her face.

Since Sam had been trying to get her to understand that he still loved her, and wanted a shot he had been dreaming about hearing those words. Since he had been given a second chance to fight for her, he had wished that he would someday hear those words fall from her lips, but never imagined them coming so soon.

Sam pulled himself together and held his hand out for Andy to take as he pulled her over and into his lap.

This time he wasn't going to screw it up, because not saying it back to her after she said it was the very first mistake he'd ever made with her.

Andy peered at him as though she though that he was having a hard time digesting what she had just said, but the words needed to come out.

He had been doing his damnedest to get her to see how he felt, and he had succeeded, he had said it over and over without giving up and he had called her out on seeing her wear it, so why not say it? Why wait for tomorrow or the next day, or the day that may never come?

He knew she felt it, he knew it was still there, he had seen it. But hearing her say it meant all that much more, so she said it.

"I love you, too," Sam said before kissing Andy's temple and tugged her closer while his face snuggled into her hair. His eyes looked up to the stars and he briefly wondered when making a wish on a shooting star actually made it come true. Yup, he had totally made that wish, that someday he would hear her say that again.

It felt better than hearing her say them the first time because this time he knew that saying them back would only bring them closer.

Andy gave Sam a hug and then climbed off his lap and stood up holding her hand out. She was ready to go home now.

Sam met her stance and was about to move and gather their discarded belongings when Andy let out a loud giggle. "You made a wish?"

Sam chuckled and shook his head. She really didn't need to know that.

"You did."

"No I didn't."

"Sam!" Andy was almost whining.

Sam faced her daring her to say that again when she opened her mouth and he silenced her accusing words by swallowing them with his lips.

He hadn't planned on kissing her here, not yet anyway but he had absolutely no restraint when the situation arose.

Pulling away Sam left Andy breathless but smiling. It had felt like forever since he was allowed to do that, and not permitted to do it for show.

Grabbing the bag after everything was neatly packed back into it, Sam held out his hand and Andy took it allowing herself to be led back to the truck.

Sam drove them back to Andy's condo where he got out and walked her to her door.

He really didn't want their time together to end, but to keep them going to where he wanted them to, it had to.

Kissing her goodnight in her doorway had always been one thing he loved doing but tonight it felt different.

Tonight it felt like such a simple action held promises for tomorrow.

Andy hung on the door as she watched Sam walk away.

She felt whole again, repaired. And it felt good.

When Sam got into bed his mind whirled away as it reflected over the last two weeks.

His life felt like it was supposed to, like this was how it was supposed to be.

His smile flowed into his dreams as the final what if's were laid to rest and his heart beat the way it should—as a whole.

Memories of Andy's _'What if I said I love you, right now, just like that?'_ Would forever be the stitches that sowed the gaping hole in his heart closed and mended the wound?

_What if… _

_What if _suddenly didn't sound so bad. 

_What if _there was forever waiting for them?

As he slipped into his dreams, Sam was sure that there would be.

The End.

******thanks for reading & reviewing! **

**See you all soon with a new one!**

**Have an awesome day!**

**Jelly Bean Jenna©**


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